Veranda Tales-Who leads and who follows in a ballroom?
Storytelling has been an integral part of my life since childhood. I grew up listening to stories during the hot summer evenings and nights with my cousins. Mothers and grandmothers would gather all of us children for story time. It was usually pitch dark except for a very faint light coming from the flickering candle. Power cuts were as frequent as the hot and humid summer days. We all spread out on a cool concrete floor or bamboo mats on the veranda intently listening to fascinating stories about kings, queens, princes, princesses, and peasants alike. Stories about love, life, families, and people entertained and taught us life skills. These stories transported us to distant worlds, strange yet familiar. Often the same story told by two people sounded different as storytellers added new twists and turns adding their personal style and flair to the stories.
Storytelling wasn’t limited to summer evenings and bedtime. I was surrounded by adults who didn’t pass up an opportunity to share their wisdom using the art of storytelling. These rich vibrant oral traditions include songs, poems, stories, and సామెతలు (Sametalu are proverbs in Telugu). Men and women sing songs as they work in the fields, grinding grains and spices and doing other daily chores at their homes. Stories are often used to teach important life lessons, interpersonal skills, and survival skills. These stories and the time spent listening to them made our lives richer leaving an impression on me. This series is all about reliving those memories as I share these stories.
ఒక ఒరలో రెండు కత్తులు ఇమడవు (oka oralo rendu kattulu emadavu)
“Hey, are you up for taking a ballroom dancing class with me?” I asked my spouse. We had been married for six years by then adjusting to parenthood with a toddler who took over our lives the moment he opened his eyes. We were out of the initial parenting grind of late night feedings, diaper changes, walking around soothing a crying baby, and many other responsibilities that come with becoming a parent. My spouse grew up in a straight jacket household where dancing was considered an abomination. As for me, I surely lack the gracefulness to pull off the role of an elegant ballroom dancer. Even though we both had our own doubts about our abilities, we promptly signed up for a class.
We walked in for our first class both dressed in our casual attire. I was wearing hiking shoes as most Coloradans do as we are always ready for a hike. I found myself in the midst of elegantly dressed women in their pencil heels. Men were all in their business casual clothing wearing dress shoes. Our instructor walked over welcoming us to the class. He was in his mid-forties in his business casual attire and his partner was a slender lady in knee length flowing dress. They both saw my shoes quickly exchanging a look without saying a word. Guess they didn’t want to upset a paying customer. I was beginning to think that learning to dance was a bad idea. My thinking was that I was going to be safer wearing shoes in case I fell while learning the steps. It wasn’t like I was training to be a ballerina. I was learning to dance so I could dance in the comfort of my home. I decided to soldier on.
The room started to fill up as couples walked hand in hand. We took out positions and started following instructions. The first lesson was teaching us the very basic box steps. My spouse and I got that down reasonably well. After a few missteps, shouting, “don’t step on my toes” a time or two, we managed to make it look reasonably elegant even if it was just in our heads. We were excited about our progress and practiced at home before our next class. The second lesson got more involved as it should. My spouse and I were watching others glide gracefully while we were moving like our feet were in molasses. Moving like in molasses is good for yoga moves, it turns out it wasn’t great for ballroom dancing where you are supposed to glide effortlessly. After watching us for a while, our instructor came over to us, looked at me pointedly and said, “You gotta let him lead you”. He stood right next to us checking to see if I was capable of letting my spouse lead me. After watching for a few minutes, he shook his head as he decided it was fruitless. He then asked me to dance with him while he handed my spouse off to his partner. The rest of the lessons went the same way as we went on to complete the class, with me barely letting my spouse lead me. We got a good chuckle and continue to to this day whenever we talk about the incident.
As they say, “Two swords cannot be contained in a single scabbard.”. It is usually "said of two masters in a house”. My spouse and I found a new area to apply this proverb to, “Two people can’t lead in ballroom dancing”. Ballroom dancing aside, my spouse and I make a good team and can share the power in the house. We are good with discussing and resolving our differences even though our discussions may get spirited at times. Over the years we have learned to choose when we want to engage in serious discussions and when to let the other person make a decision. My spouse is typically (atypically perhaps) particular about home decor. He has a good eye when it comes to color schemes and if things don’t match it bothers him. I, on the other hand, couldn’t care less about whether two couches in the living room match or not. On our window shopping outings, I ask “Hey! Wanna get this?”, pointing to a small plant stand or a kitchen gadget. My spouse looks at me and goes, “It doesn’t match our decor” or “Where would you like to put it?”.
My spouse is very structured and I am the opposite. We are different in the way we approach recipes. My spouse likes to follow the recipe very closely. I start cooking a recipe taking creative liberties with the ingredients and spices. My kids call dad for recipes saying, “Mom, we can’t trust you with recipes. You can’t make a recipe the same way twice in a row.” I usually come back with, “Hey! I am not aspiring to be a chef at a restaurant. What’s the fun in cooking it exactly the same all the time?”
My spouse and I make it work with our brains wired to think very differently. My brain is fluid, I jump from topic to topic. When we discuss a plan for a road trip or finding a new water heater. My spouse likes to think linearly step by step. I am all over the place jumping from step 1 to step 10 in any order. This drives my spouse bonkers. We realized having two different ways of processing details is a strength and not a detriment. My spouse learned to be patient with my thought process and I learned to keep in mind how it is hard for him to keep up with my fluid brain. We are both opinionated and strong willed. We both like to lead and be equal partners in life. We started out as friends and have become partners in life navigating life’s ups and downs for the past three decades and counting. We continue our healthy spirited discussions as equal partners without a clearly identified leader. We debunk the Telugu sameta, “ఒక ఒరలో రెండు కత్తులు ఇమడవు (oka oralo rendu kattulu emadavu)”, which literally translates to, “Two swords cannot be contained in a single scabbard”. Now, don’t ask us to ballroom dance - that is a lost cause.